Rain of Agony

Soaking in the Rain.

Soaking in the Rain.

Every night, i watch the sky, adore at the vast beauty of it and wonder, are you watching it too? are we watching it together? You told me to look at the moon if i miss you. Here i am. I am looking at it. Are you looking at it too? It rained this evening and i let my soul drench in it because you once said, you loved rain. I watched the rain drops settling on my fingers, slipping across the center of my palm, paving their way to the ground, i tried to collect them, i closed my fist hard, very hard, but it slipped away. Reminding me of how destiny beautifully brought us together later tearing us apart. I watched the long leaves of the coconut tree flowing with the wind, forced to fall apart but they stayed their. Firm. Reminding me of how passionately close you brought yourself to me, fearing if i’d go. It felt cold under the rain. The water has penetrated deep, it removed all the mud over the buried memories. Echoing your name to me. Loud, very loud. The wind rushed upon the door, leaving it’s left pane open. Reminding me of how you walked through the door to greet me every morning. The splatter of raindrops in the courtyard made some music, reminding me of the melody of your voice.I saw a flower lying on the road. Crushed by the heavy waters. Reminding me of the first rose you gave me. I shivered at the lightning stroke. It was creepy. Not as creepy as the day when, i knew, i’d never see you again. I could combat these thunders. They were not as mighty as those gruesome dark nights when i endlessly sobbed and shouted your name loud, if my voice could reach you. Now, i whisper your name. It’s still the most beautiful sound for me. The only difference is, then, it used to cheer me up, now, it shatters me.

The rain has stopped. Everything is still. As still as my abandoned soul.

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Kho Gaya Ek Rishta Mera (I Have Lost A Relation)

In loving memory of my father. He passed away on 16.05.2012. May his soul rest in peace. Aameen.

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(Hindi version)

Kho gaya ek rishta mera

Kale badalon me kahi

Tez barish ki boondo ne

Chupaya diya use kahi

 ungli pakadkr meri

Chalna usne sikhaya

Ladhkhadai jab jab me

Duadna mujhe sikhaya

Uska saya ghane pedh jesa

Thandak wo de jata

Meri choti choti ankho me

Bade khwab wo jagata

Mere ansuon se

Aankh uski num ho jati th

Doli sajne ki baat pe

Laadli badi yaad ati th

Is khapat duniya me

Meri ek deewar thi

Bachati har khatre se mujhe

me beti  apne baap ki thi

samaj ki zanjeero ko

todha usne mere liye

annayaye k har pahad ko

chalanga usne mere liye

cheen liya khuda ne mujhse

sbse pyara rishta mera

yateemo ki fehris me

aane laga ab naam mera

kaap jati hu me

beshara yu hokar

dar lgta hai is duniya me

apne baap ko khokar

ab koi deewar nahi

akeli hu maidan me

toote phoote khwabo ko

jodh rahi hu me

cheen lo meri hr khushi

lauta do wo rishta mera

beti hu apne baap ki

kho gaya ek rishta mera

(English Version)

 I have lost a relation

Somewhere among the black clouds

Harsh raindrops

Hid it somewhere.

My finger, he held

And made me walk

When i stumbled

To run, he taught.

His shadow like a dense tree

Coolness  it radiated

In my small eyes

He lit big dreams.

My tears

Made his eyes moist

Watching a decorated palanquin

He missed her beloved.

In this ferocious world

I had my wall

Protecting me from all dangers

I , was my father’s daughter.

Chains of society

He broke for me

Every mountain of injustice

He jumped for me.

God snatched

My favorite relation

In the list of orphans

My name now comes.

At times , i shiver

Feel helpless

This world scares me

After losing my father.

Now there’s no wall

Alone, i am in the battle field

Lost, broken dreams

I am  recollecting.

Take away all of my happiness

Return me, my relation

I , am my father’s daughter

I have lost a relation.

Esi hai meri maa ( She is my Mother)

The Hindi Version-

Mohabbat se uska dekhna

Mere dil me jhank lena

mere ankahe shabdo ko padhna

esi hai meri maa

Wo jo thand ki har raat me bhi

Apne deep ki lau se

mujhe sulaye

Wo jo kurkuri dhoop me thanda saya bankar ajaye

esi hai meri maa

Wo jo mere hath me lage kaante nikale

Mere zakhmo me kho kar,

khud ka dard bhul jae

esi hai meri maa

Toofan se darkar

jab me kaap jaaun

Apne seene se mujhe lagakr

Meri nind ko bulaye

esi hai meri maa

Nafrato ki aag

Uska Jazba na mitaae

har mosam, har rang me wo aage badhti jae

esi hai meri maa.

Mere kai saval

jo mere mann me sudbudayen

Ummid dilati hui

mujhe sabke javab de jaye

esi h meri maa

Mom jesi narmi uski

Chandi jesa rang

ehsas uska barish ke pani jesa

Taza krde jo mera mann

esi h meri maa

Har bandhan ko samet ti hui

Surile raag wo gati hui

mehkaati hai angan

apne anchal ki khushbu se

esi h meri maa

meri pehli kilkari pe

mijse zada khush thi wo

mere pehle qadam pe

mujhe aage bula rahi th wo

esi hai meri maa

uski awaz jab kaan me aye

samjho, ek mithas si ghul jaye

hassi uski kitni madhur

behti nadi ki kalkal jesi

esi h meri maa

Jo sirf maa hi nai

Baap ka farz bhi nibhati ayi

Ghane badalo ke andhero se

Aj tak ladhti ayi

esi h meri maa

Kya kahu me uske liye

jo mujhe is duniya me laai

Hath mera thama

Har Rasta dikhati ayi

Uske pyar se bandhkr

kitni haseen lagti hai ye duniya

Na koi fikar, Na koi shikan

Kyuki mere paas h meri maa

Esi hai meri maa

Esi hai meri maa

The English Translation-

With her love filled glance

She insights my heart

Reads my unsaid words

She is my mother.

Every chilling night

With the light of her love lamp

She lulls me asleep

In crispy sunlight, provides her cool shade

She is my mother.

Detracts the thorns in my palms

Loses herself in my wound

She forgets her own pain

She is my mother.

Scared of the storm, I shiver

Embracing me

She calls my sleep

She is my mother.

Fire of hatred

Doesn’t waver her will

In every season, every color, she marches forward

She is my mother.

Many questions

That tickle my mind

Giving me hope

She answers them all

She is my mother.

Her softness like molten wax

Her color like the moon

Her feeling is like rain water

Refreshing my soul

She is my mother.

Collecting all bonds

Singing a melodious tune

Perfumes the courtyard

With the aroma of her garment’s hem

She is my mother.

On my first chuckle

She was happier than me

On my first step

She was calling me forward

She is my mother.

When her voice enters my ears

As if, sweetness mixing in

Her laugh so melodious

Like a rivulet’s playful sound

She is my mother.

Who is not only a mother

Plays the duty of a father too

When dense clouds surround darkness

She kept fighting them off

She is my mother.

What should I say of her

Who brought me in this world

Held my hand

Showed me every path

Coiling in her love

How beautiful this world appears

No worry, no flinch of pain

Because I have my mother.

She is my mother.

She is my mother.

Walking Miles

Nothing on earth is as beautiful as the sky, the stars and the moon.

Nothing on earth is as beautiful as the sky, the stars and the moon.

Why is it, that sometimes you feel lost. Feel hollow. Feel directionless. You endlessly search for a goal,for something to focus upon, for something that’ll help add meaning to your existence, something that adds value to you,something that makes you feel stronger, feel fresher,feel new and ready for this world all over again!

Yes, there are days when you need a reason that will froth your smile, That’ll plunge you into the bliss of satisfaction. Help you overcome the sour realities of life, the lost battles, the crushed dreams.  And you search, search, just endlessly search…

And one day you hear a voice in your head, may be God loves you the most, may be you are his strongest soldier, may be you are that unsung warrior who’s valor is sky high. And this makes you different.

And you connect to the following lines,

The woods are lovely,dark and deep

But,  I have many promises keep

And miles to go before i sleep

Miles to go before i sleep.

-Robert Frost

On this journey of miles you see that undying love in your mother’s eyes, you nestle in her warmth. It feels good. You see a friend who doesn’t cry with you,but tries his best to make you laugh. Pokes and nudges you. It feels good. You see your blog followers, genuine and honest with their compassion. It feels good. You see the vast sky , decorated with stars and moon. It feels good.

And you suddenly realize-Life has a meaning. You reinvent your soul. The bubble of your life takes it rise. Higher towards the blue sky. Defining new goals. This time your feet doesn’t tremble to walk because you fly.

Enclosing within it, lots of love from family, friends and followers.

P.S.  A thank note to my family, dear friends and some very special blog followers.  Their support was much needed.

Accompanying Life

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One of my ULTRA FAVOURITE songs-

Main zindagii ka saath nibhaataa chalaa gayaa
I faithfully followed wherever life took me

Har fikr ko dhuein mein udataa chalaa gayaa
I blew every worry into a mist of smoke

Barbaadiyon  shok manaanaa fizuul tha
It was pointless to grieve about my destruction,

Barbaadiyon ka jashn manaataa chalaa gayaa
So I kept making a celebration of my destruction!

Har fikr ko dhuein mein udaataa chalaa gayaa
I blew every worry into a mist of smoke

Jo mil gayaa usii ko muqaddar samajh liyaa
Whatever came my way I considered to be my destiny

Jo kho gayaa mein usko bhulaataa chalaa gayaa
Whatever was lost to me, I kept putting out of my mind.

Har fikr ko dhuein mein udataa chalaa gayaa
I blew every worry into a mist of smoke

Gham aur khushi mein farq na mehsuus ho jahaan
That state where happiness and sorrow are indistinguishable

Main dil ko us muqaam pe laataa chalaa gayaa
That realm is where I kept pushing my heart

Har fikr ko dhuein mein uDaataa chalaa gayaa
I blew every worry into a mist of smoke.

Sublime Hope

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My thoughts pure as a white rose
From maligning them, I detest.

My destination is a bright star
From falling ,my steps I guard.

Embarking on my strong will
I trudge my path.

Loom of hatred and lies
Circling me around.

Unaware of how high I rise
My hopes shall keep me astound.

#A famous song in urdu, from a Pakistani Drama.